11/1997 iCE Pack
2. The iCE "Star Wars" program picked off an oldskool ANSI artist and brought him back to iCE headquarters for questioning. We'll reveal his identity after we are throught with... interrogation!
3. The director of internal gastrointestional curiosities reports this month that one member tunneled their way out the back door of iCE, so to speak. Our beloved Kitiara is departing this month to pursue other opportunities and we wish her well in whatever she chooses to do, and hope one day she'll return home.
4. Information Systems director Lickbert decided to take the month off and visit his homeland of Tahiti this month, therefore there is no decent news to report. However, Farmicus was seen stealing the Microsoft sign in Redmond, WA and using it as a makeshift port-a-john on his winter west coast roadtrip. Go Farmy! Literally.
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6. iCE useless member and resident Canadian patriot Rainmaker was abducted this month on the 27th, and taken to a hideaway by Devastator and Farmicus. When Rainmaker was awakened, he found himself at an ornately set table. "Hey! I'm not going to participate in this f*#!in evil American holiday! Thanksgiving Schmanksgiving, everyone knows it's in OCTOBER anyway!" yelled a now-agitated Rainmaker. "Shut up, tool!" spat Farmy, eagerly stabbing his fork into a slice of cranberry sauce. "Hey Dev, whip out the turkey!" he yelled. Unfortunately, the day got worse when Dev, unable to hear well over the clamor in the kitchen, came running into the dining area, ripped off his pants to reveal his, well, uh un-surgically-altered private part. Farmy dropped his spooooooooon! and he AND Rainmaker together screamed, "THAT IS NOT A F***ING TURKEY!" Hmmm. Oh well, Happy Thanksgiving anyway, eh?
7. It has come to our attention that several middle Americans have stated that they identify more with daytime talk TV than with their leaders in government, and leaders of business. We figure that when you're a deeply religious type who decides to use science-derived fertility drugs to have seven children and claim that God gave you the gift, you really don't deserve an opinion on any matter that ranks higher in importance than your breakfast menu decision.
8. Please direct all discussion regarding the above political statement to [email protected].
9. We must apologize for the relative late release of the pack this month. It was not planned but was due to some technical difficulties experienced by the person who was going to zip it all up this month. He's been beaten repeatedly and dipped in a vat of eggnog, then dipped in a barrel of gunpowder. We're still trying to decide whether to drop him onto a cement floor or not, though!
10. Another fine month, which once again includes ground-breaking formats not often seen in art packs. We hope you enjoyed it. Stay tuned to the iCEPACK for some iCE cold work this winter!